Is it Working?

When you start coaching, it isn’t always easy at first to gauge if it’s working, or if you are 'doing it right'. Thinking through new ideas and adjusting how you respond to difficult situations requires your brain to form some new neural pathways, and it’s normal to not know what to expect and for there to be a digestion period. Integration takes time!

That’s why I’ve outlined a list of steps you can start noticing as they occur.
It doesn't happen all at once or necessarily in this particular order, but by the time you get to the last level you will know that the work is starting to get integrated, and that’s when you can start seeing desired changes in your life.

Steps of Tracking Your Progress with Coaching

1.) Material is introduced: Material is introduced in the coaching session, and you have some discussion and reflection on it with your coach.

2.) Chew on it some more on your own: This can go a number of ways. For example, afterwards you may think more about parts that really clicked for you, do further research on on something that felt relevant to your life, read over additional material/notes you may have taken, write some of what you most want to remember in your own words in a coaching notebook.

3.) Discuss it with someone you trust: When you feel inclined, talk about what you are working on with your partner or a close friend. Putting it in your own words is a key part of integrating new material/ideas. Try not to force this step by talking about it before you feel comfortable doing so.

4.) Start noticing more: This is when you start noticing things you’ve been discussing in your sessions as they show up in your life, usually after they happen. You  may not like everything you start noticing (e.g. ‘Wow…I’m actually angry like 80% if the time), but it will all be useful in figuring out interventions you can use in the future. At this stage you may not feel like you have the ability to stop a deeply ingrained way of responding to things, but by beginning to notice it more you are actually well on your way.

5.) Respond sooner, react less: With time you’ll start to  notice early warning signs of overwhelm before they lead to eruption and can start experimenting with ways to respond differently before things get out of hand. By trying out different intervention strategies, you’ll get better and better at customizing your responses to keep you in a calmer place more often.

Keep in mind that there is no set timeline for how it ‘should’ take to see desired changes in your life. Some things may ease up within a short period of time, other things may take longer. And looks can be deceiving—you  may feel like you are doing great until some huge stressor drops and all your skills are put to the test. That doesn’t mean you have failed or haven’t really made progress. It’s just one of those times where it becomes clearer to see where you still are struggling.

And finally, it can be hard to assess our own progress, so consider tracking key areas as you go (like every time you get really dysregulated, for instance) and asking someone who is close to you if they are seeing changes in you over time. While you may not be noticing all the changes, the people closest to you are almost certainly impacted by them.

It’s ok to feel a little uncertain at first about your ability to make changes. Think of the frustration you get the first time you try to pat your head and rub your belly at the same time. Out of sorts. Disoriented. That’s normal! If you’re with a coach you feel a good connection with (which is essential!), stick with it for a bit and wait to see what comes after those initial moments of uncertainty when you're getting started.

Once those new neural pathways are formed, something different will follow, and you can lean into the strength and certainty that comes when you are able to make some headway. This is how we grow and learn new things, and it’s worth the time and energy it takes to get there.