 I’ve been feeling really good lately and it’s kind of freaking me out.
November 6th was a really hard day for me. I woke up and found out Trump had been re-elected and I instantly felt nauseous. It was hard to eat all day, and there was a heaviness in me that made it hard to get anything done. And then…it passed. I had that one really bad day and I’ve been doing well ever since (about 3 weeks now). I’ve been very curious about that as I have never been great with denial and I am definitely prone to hypervigilance, and getting stuck in a heightened threat state. I’m not usually great at taking it easy. Come to think of it, this actually started before the election because I also did not get all anxious and panicky in the weeks/months leading up to the election either. Intellectually, we can tell ourselves that getting panicked before something even happens is not going to help anything, but it’s really hard (by which I mean impossible) to force yourself not to worry if you’re already worried. But of course that means that if you were tied in knots before Trump even won, that leaves you already burned out/exhausted before his second term has even started. Ugh. So how have I been able to keep myself from binging on doom and gloom? This is what I’ve been pondering. In a way I think it’s great, actually, because it means my analytical brain has eased enough of its firm grip on attempting to control everything, allowing some unconscious part of me to step forward and take the reins. And that’s been a relief. Did you ever see that bumper sticker “If you aren’t angry, you aren’t paying attention?” That’s something I’ve been chewing on for decades. It started with climate change, which I first started worrying about as a child. I remember having a dream that the house was on fire and I was trying to get everyone out of the house and people were saying “Oh, the heat kind of feels good…maybe I’ll get a nice tan in here!” And just stayed lounging on the couch. I spent years as a young adult very aware of how the choices the world was making at that time were going to be absolutely critical to the amount of suffering that would follow in the coming decades of my life. I thought if I really acted like it was an emergency, it would help cue others in to the urgency of the situation and we would all act appropriately. Of course that didn’t happen, and I did grow awareness over the years that the majority of the changes that needed to happen needed to happen not on the individual level, but systemically. Yes, it’s great if I make choices to use a little less electricity, but the actions of governments and corporations were where the major change needed to happen to make a big enough dent in things to really turn the tide. But over time it just became clearer and clearer that we weren’t moving fast enough, and in the places we were moving quickly, it was in the wrong direction. And we’re no longer imagining future scenarios of suffering—it’s here. I personally know of 5 families who lost their homes in 2024, from 3 different kinds of extreme climate events across the country. Including some neighbors that live just down the street from me (or at least they used to live down the street before their house burned down). In geological time, it’s happening in the blink of an eye. But from a human perspective, it is happening over the course of my whole life. So how do we then live? That’s the question that has haunted me my entire adult life. If you are living in times where there is a constant, urgent crisis at hand, how does that translate for the nervous system? Our bodies were not designed to stay in a constant state of threat—it’s a huge drain on resources and it means that other important areas like our digestion and our reproductive health and a number of other things all go to the wayside. And let’s be honest- being stressed out has never helped a single person or changed anyone’s mind about what is important in the world. My sense of urgency has never saved anyone. To clarify, I do believe investing in our youth is the way to go if you are trying to bring about change—their minds are still forming and open to finding alternate ways to live as humans, but that’s about education rather than screaming fire at the top of your lungs. Education can form opinions and bring about change, but my anxiety helps no one. So many people deal with this by staying cut off from the urgency of our changing climate (or struggling democracy, or genocide, etc.) or by simply denying that anything is wrong at all. Sometimes I envy the ability of others to do this because I do see what they get from it—not being constantly stressed out definitely has its advantages. But I’ve just never been able to live with my head in the sand— as an intense, hyperactive autistic woman, it’s just not how I’m wired. What exactly is going on with me right now then? How is this response different? Well, I’m not in denial. It feels a bit more like when you are on your last day of vacation and you know the next day you’re going to have to get up super early for your flight and drink bad coffee and airplane food and be stuck for hours on end at the airport and on the plane and so on and so you just savor that live music and really good cappuccino and whatever else you’re enjoying all the more because you know tomorrow is going to suck. Sort of a relaxed ‘seize the day’ mentality. The reality is that I actually feel pretty good right now. I had a prolonged injury over the summer that was a real bummer, but a few months of physical therapy helped me quite a bit. And I figured out that garlic—garlic of all things—was a big driver behind my migraines from hell, and once I cut out the garlic my pain levels have gone down tremendously. Being in my own skin is not so bad right now—not at all! I know I’m not going to feel this good forever. Whether it’s some other kind of flare up in my body, some sort global crises coming to my doorstep or some atrocity committed by an orange man-child demanding my immediate attention, I know this current state of mind won’t last—and it isn’t supposed to. And our nervous systems are designed to be able to shift gears to respond to those changes that are part of the normal fluctuation of life. And since actual life and death scenarios are becoming easier to imagine than they once were, perhaps my nervous system has finally figured out how to save the adrenaline and cortisol for something like evacuating from a wildfire or not having the financial resources to get a life saving medical treatment rather than blowing the stash on every little stressor that comes knocking. Whatever the case may be, it’s really working for me. Every day that I am able to feel good sort of feels like putting money in a savings account—I’m building up my reserves for when shit hits the fan. Now that I have worked through my thinking by writing this all out, I’m realizing there is another factor that helped me get to this point. Back in September I read Yuval Hirari’s new book Nexus: A Brief History of Information Networks from the Stone Age to AI. In it, he describes how the Facebook algorithm (and others) works. Basically, Facebook tells AI to maximize engagement (to maximize profit). AI figures out that spreading outrage is the best way to maximize engagement, so AI starts promoting tons of outrageous content and misinformation to get users more ‘engaged.’ Besides just promoting outrageous content, AI chatbots are also on there posing as humans, trying to get into arguments with people to get them outraged and to find out more about what makes them tick. Creepy. But once you really understand how those platforms are running and how that affects the global political climate—who is getting elected and what kinds of hairbrained theories are taking root, it really does cause something to shift inside you. It’s not theoretical anymore—we are seeing the fruit of these platforms and it stinks. I can no longer believe any part of myself that tells me that discussing politics online is really going to be a valuable service to humanity. The system is designed to promote outrage. It is designed to maximize profit—that’s the bottom line. If we get hooked on the outrage they’re feeding us, we’re giving them a leash to yank us around by. And I don’t want any part of that. I still have hope that technology can be harnessed in a different direction, and I am also hoping that a healthier social media platform will get some traction with those of us who still want to connect online and create good content and resources to share with each other. That’s not impossible. So in a weird way, waking up to a pretty uncomfortable truth about what is happening with AI on these platforms gave me the push that helped my nervous system figure some shit out. It is easier to get untangled from something I can see clearly. Once I really understand the agenda, I can opt out. My nervous system may be a bit damaged and prone to overreaction, but it belongs to ME. It’s a pretty flawed world we’re living in, but it’s also pretty cool that sometimes we can find insight in the most unlikely places. I’ll take it wherever I can get it. 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 A look at why a one-size-fits-all approach to herbs is problematic and how to think about it instead.
What’s the best herb for allergies? Is there anything that will help my stomach ache? What herb do I take for migraines? I get questions like this frequently, and I know everyone just wants to hear the name of the magic herb so they can buy it, take it, and be fine. But herbs are complex and people are complex, so more often than not it's just not that simple. The bright side to this complexity is that getting to know both the person and the herbs better is much more likely to lead to lasting improvements in your health—really getting down to root causes instead of just putting bandaids on everything indefinitely—and without the negative side effects we have just come to accept as collateral damage when we take pharmaceuticals. Let me use myself as an example of how that can play out. Throughout my 30’s I had severe allergies that really limited me. There were months of the year I tried to avoid going outside altogether. I wore a mask when I did have to be outdoors in peak grass season (and this was before the pandemic), and I rarely went over to anyone’s house unless I knew it was not dusty and was well ventilated because it could take me days to recover from the sinus migraines that ensued if I had a bad reaction. I worked with a number of folks in the healing arts during these years, and I can’t tell you how many times people told me that nettles are good for allergies. So of course I tried them, and they did seem to help slightly, but my overall health never improved at all. Fast forward to my 40’s when I began studying herbs formally and learned about this idea of ‘herbal energetics.’ It’s kind if a misleading phrase (or at least it sounds a little woo woo to me when it’s not). It’s about the characteristics of each herb—whether it’s moistening or drying, heating or cooling—that sort of thing. Everything we eat and the drugs we take also have these qualities. Medications, almost always, are drying, and some more than others. The majority of herbs also land on the drying side, although thankfully there are numerous ‘demulcent’ herbs as well that hydrate and moisten. A light bulb finally went off for me. I realized that taking all of my allergy meds since childhood, as well as some drying herbs for allergies, had totally dried out my mucous membranes over the years. Mucous membranes are your body's barriers that trap and expel irritants—if they’re not well lubricated, more irritants get in and stay trapped there. So the things that may have been initially helpful created a different problem over time that led to my allergies getting even more severe than they were in childhood. The idea of demulcent (moistening) herbs appealed to me immediately because I also had been dealing with extremely dry eyes for a number of years (which feels like you constantly have sand in your eyes that you can’t get out). It dawned on me that this was not a separate issue from my allergies—systemic dryness throughout my body was wreaking havoc! Now, that being said, nettles are highly anti-inflammatory and especially shine with allergic/histamine response. So I’m not saying nettles aren't good for allergies. But they are pretty drying. So unless you are a super damp person with too much mucus, you are going to need to balance that out with lubricating herbs like violet and marshmallow root. Once I figured that out, I was able to vastly improve both my dry eyes and my allergies, and was able to participate in so many more activities than I had in the handful of years leading up to that time. I also saved tons of money on expensive medications and procedures and stressful appointments with specialists. But that wasn’t the end of it! Due to some GI issues, I had had an endoscopy done in the midst of all this and found out I had a precancerous issue in my esophagus. As that is not something that the conventional medical world thinks of as improving on its own, they wanted me to come back for another endoscopy later that year to see how it had progressed. But as it turned out, the demulcent herbs I had been taking for my allergies and dry eyes ended up being just what my esophagus needed as well. The second endoscopy revealed no damage of any kind in my esophagus at that point. Pretty fabulous! Now let’s look at migraines. Part of why migraines are so tough is that they are caused by so many different things, and herbal energetics play a role here as well. For example, if you have a sharp, stabbing pain like an ice pick stabbing you behind the eyes, that is completely different than a broad, dull pain that has taken over your entire head and leaves you foggy and unable to think straight. Boswellia is a trendy herb right now that is advertised as being a potent anti-inflammatory. So you might think “Hey, what if I tried that instead of some ibuprofen?” But if you have the hot, stabby kind of pain, boswellia could actually give you whatever is worse than a migraine because it’s going to amplify the characteristics that you are already showing in excess. Let’s not even imagine it. Turmeric is another trendy anti-inflammatory, but most people don’t know that its actions are directed primarily in the gut. Usually that’s fine as the origin of so many people’s pain (whether we’re talking headaches, joint pain, etc) is stemming from what they’re eating. So it follows that bringing down inflammation in the gut can keep that pain from spiraling to other parts of your body. But turmeric is also hot and drying, so if you’re dealing with osteo arthritis, those effects can actually exacerbate those excesses in your body. With osteo, we also need those cooling, lubricating herbs (like Solomon’s Seal!) to soothe and restore joint function (Hey! There’s me again! Another hot and dry condition I have that benefits from lubricating herbs). That doesn’t mean you wouldn’t get any benefit from the anti-inflammatory benefits of turmeric, but over time you could be intensifying your body’s state of being hot (inflamed) and dry (those clicking sounds you get with osteo are indicative of dryness). One more example. Who among us has not heard about how amazing echinacea and elderberry are for fighting off viruses? Take it as soon as you start coming down with something! Fight back! For many people, they can be helpful (although you really have to know how much to take and how often to take it to get good results), but if your body has any characteristics of autoimmunity you could be making things much worse by taking a strong immune stimulant. Even if you think you don’t have an autoimmune disease, I highly advise trying out those herbs first at a time when you are not sick, and take a large amount (like a teaspoon of tincture as an initial test) and see how you do. Does anything flare up? You can still have an autoimmune response even if you have not been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease (and it may be worth considering if things are heading in that direction fro you if you react badly to strong immune stimulants). If you do have a bad reaction, it’s a much better bet to stick with immunomodulating herbs instead (like shiitake, reishi and maitake mushrooms). This all may sound a bit daunting, but there is another side of it that is quite liberating. With holistic herbalism, we don’t have to have a diagnosis to be helpful. Got a mystery condition? No problem! We can still support you because your symptoms are what matter, not your diagnosis. Whether you actually have a diagnosis of autism or not, or whether we know the name of that weird, creepy rash on your arm is pretty irrelevant. We work with what we see. So instead of asking “What’s the best herb for sleep?” or “What are the best herbs for stress?” ask instead what herb you could be working with to fit your current needs. Is the insomnia caused by muscle tension, body aches or racing thoughts? Does stress make you lose your appetite or go on sugar binges? Does it it make you snap at everyone around you or hide out curled up on your bed ignoring the world? If you want to find the right herb to work with, we have to get at the heart at what your current experience is and how it is affecting you. Now I wish I could say that it’s just a matter of doing your due diligence and patiently looking everything up on Google. But especially these days, the internet is becoming increasingly unreliable for good info on herbs. Did you hear about that family that went mushroom foraging based on a book written by AI and then got poisoned and died? Well I heard that story and the thing is, I don’t even know if that story is true. That's how convoluted everything has become… So, if you are fortunate enough to be able to consult with a qualified herbalist, I highly recommend it. If you take any kind of medications, make sure you are working with someone thoroughly trained in herb-drug interactions. It really matters. If you can’t afford to go that route, check out the free and low cost courses offered by CommonWealth Herbs. Their $25 classes will be the best $25 you ever spent (if improving your health is what you’re after). They also offer free clinics once a month (although you really have to be on top of it if you want to snag a slot), and offer various scholarships to people of color and folks who are incarcerated. With either route, you do have to put the time in. You have to get to know your pain, your symptoms and your unique challenges so that you can support them appropriately. It may not always be fast or convenient, but for me at least, it was totally life changing. When you’re ready for those kinds of changes, the herbs will be ready for you. DISCLAIMER: This is not medical advise and is for educational purposes only. Herbalists do not diagnose or treat any medical condition.  At times it really feels like the neurodivergent experience gets more intense with age. Let’s take a look at why that may be. While plenty of neurotypical people may still hold on to outdated notions that neurodivergent kids will ‘ougrow’ autism or ADHD as they enter adulthood, neurodivergent adults may actually be scratching their heads and wondering the opposite—“Am I getting more neurodivergent with age?” This can be a lot to unpack, so I wanted to share my thoughts on the matter. While I don’t believe that we become more or less autistic or ADHD or anything else as we age, I do think there are numerous factors at play that can intensify our experience of neurodivergence, and that some of these factors are cumulative over the course of our lives. So we very well may find ourselves needing more support in areas we did not previously. Let’s break it down. The first thing that comes to mind relates to masking—a strategy often employed by neurodivergent folks with lower support needs to try to ‘pass’ as neurotypical. It is akin to acting, and you pay a price for it over time, either because you body starts to break down or you get burned out by constantly trying to fit into a world that doesn’t fit you. This brings to mind when I was younger, and I would frequently take ibuprofen at social events for the headaches I was prone to when overstimulated, or have a drink (or four) to help me get through the evening. And for as long as I can remember, I’ve gotten really amped up by social events and it takes HOURS to unwind, meaning I might be up most of the night even if the event ended at 10:00 PM. By some point in my 30’s, my body couldn’t handle that anymore. I started to get ulcers more frequently from the NSAIDS and my body couldn’t tolerate alcohol—it just led to more headaches. I didn’t bounce back from the sleepless nights like before. So when I stopped being able to rely on those ‘bandaids’, I was suddenly saying ‘no’ to a lot more events or leaving early or what have you. I did not get more autistic, it’s just that my masking tools were no longer working for me. And then there’s burnout. Autistic burnout actually has some pretty specific criteria, including 1.) Loss of skills 2.) Fatigue in all areas of life and 3.) Increased sensitivity to sensory input. When you really stop and consider that criteria and what that would look like in a person’s life, it would absolutely look like the person was more autistic than they were before. Every little noise might make them jump, they literally can’t do certain things that they used to be able to manage and there is basically little bandwidth for anything. Now hopefully that is not a state someone is going to stay in for their entire lives. You absolutely can recover from burnout, although it does tend to require some lifestyle changes that rely less on masking strategies and requires you to be more realistic about living the kind of life that works for your neurotype. When people start making those changes, it can look to others like suddenly this person in their life has really changed. But again, it’s about having to abandon a mask that is no longer serving them. Internally, they have always had that wiring. You just may not have known how hard they were working to conceal it. Then there’s overwhelm. Anytime we experience overwhelm, whether neurodivergent or not, we all lose some bandwidth in one way or another. I’m remembering this time I was at the Farmer’s Market with my husband and some guy asked if we wanted him to take our picture. I simply said “no,” and kept walking, apparently expressionless, and it didn’t even occur to me in that moment that the guy may have thought I was being rude. My husband asked me about it later, realizing it must have meant I was overwhelmed at the time by something else (which was true but I can’t remember what was going on). Normally I am aware of general social expectations and I usually go through the motions (I think!), but if I am really ‘full’ then things may start slipping through the cracks. This shows up for all of us in different ways. I’m also convinced the overwhelm factor has some connection with why so many women seem to discover their neurodivergence in midlife—that was the case for me as well (my early 40’s). Look at the chart below that shows women’s hormones over the course of her life:  https://www.menopausenaturalsolutions.com/blog/female-hormone-lifecycle
This is one of those times when a picture says it all…am I right?! Those intense squiggly lines dropping off into oblivion that correspond with a woman’s life during perimenopause is a good reminder of how much is going on under the surface at this time in life. Major upheaval! And major upheaval means less bandwidth. We maybe have not even realized we were masking all those years until we hit our 40’s and suddenly…well, suddenly everything feels amplified and some things are gonna have to give. But this isn’t just for middle aged women. Times are stressful, am I right? While there has always been global injustice and too much pain and suffering in the world, we now have taken things up a few notches. The increasing frequency of climate disasters, for one thing. We are living on a different planet than the one we were born on, and it will continue to change faster than our infrastructure can keep up with. And even without a ‘disaster’ things are just getting more intense. Can someone really say their allergies are getting worse when the pollen seasons are much longer and more severe than they used to be? How do you know if it’s you getting worse or the pollen going gangbusters? Add to that the technology that dominates so much of our lives that is so out of sync with our natural rhythms. The algorithms that are getting better and better at manipulating us to maximize profits for a handful of tech giants. Give me a break already. When I was a kid, school was consistent and orderly and (ok, really boring) but it was actually not a hard thing to know what was expected of me and just get through it without any major ordeals. It was unimaginable that school could just stop for a year or more like it did when COVID hit or that we would have the constant, chaotic distractions of technology and its glitchy software and the constantly shifting curriculum and staff turnover and everything that is in the schools today. My autism went under the radar in the environment I grew up in, and not just because I was female (I do know some women in my age group that were diagnosed as kids, although not many). It went under the radar because for the most part, the consistent, predictable routine of school did not trigger me. Sure, I had issues and they would wear on me more and more over time, but it was a much better environment for me than today’s schools are. Same kid, same neurotype all along, but it looks different depending on the environment it is in. This is not an easy moment in history to be hypersensitive! The last point I want to make here is about our neurodivergent elders. Certain neurodivergent traits are also traits that can show up more in seniors generally—things like forgetfulness, having less of a filter and just saying whatever you want, or getting more rigid in certain ways. If an ADHD person has always been forgetful and late to everything, and this gets worse in their later years, I would argue that that can just be a natural part of aging and does not in any way convince me that their ADHD is getting worse. Now the rigidity (typically more of an autistic trait) is a little bit different. Neurologically speaking, anything we do over and over becomes like a groove in our wiring that gets more and more entrenched over time. The more often you repeat something, the more it gets reinforced and the harder it becomes to change it. So if you had an autistic person who was very rigid in their habits, and they had some tendency that they were leaning into every day for decades on end (let’s say not feeling the need to pick up the phone when it rings), then I think an argument could be made that their wiring did in fact get more pronounced over time. But that is more about neuroplasticity than anything else. Anyhow…I think I may be getting a bit nitpicky with this example, so why don’t I end this paragraph before I disappear into the weeds… The point is that some of the natural effects of aging can indeed appear to intensify some aspects of neurodivergence, and make them more obvious. But in reality, we are all impacted by our environment and all the natural fluctuations of life, and that is in turn going to impact our functional capacity at any given moment. While this can make it look like we are more or less autistic or ADHD when we are more or less overwhelmed, the reality is that we have the wiring that we have, and we have it for life. What really matters is that we recognize what kind of support we or someone we love needs at all those various points in their life and meet them where they are at. To get my posts delivered directly to your inbox, subscribe to my substack for free: arikarapson.substack.com  Personal musings on the challenges of being hyperactive while having restricted movement.
Solvitur ambulando. I have this motto on my fridge and it translates to ‘it is solved by walking.’ For me, this is often the case. If I am stressed, it will help if I go take a walk in the woods. If I’m not getting enough sleep, walking more will help, especially if I do it in the morning to help get my circadian rhythm back on track. If my hyperactive mind starts spinning around in circles, walking will get me out of my head and into my body and I will get calmer. So imagine my distress when I get injured and I am unable to walk for long stretches of time. Of course, ‘long stretches of time’ is a relative term, but for me that usually means about a week if I get one of my EDS flare-ups. (If you’re not familiar with EDS, it’s a genetic disorder where basically your connective tissue has issues and you are much more prone to injury than other people. Your body is all loosey-goosey and it just doesn’t stay together the way it should.) This past summer I experienced a flare-up that lasted well over a month—by far the longest one I have ever had. I was eventually able to get into PT and very slowly start making some headway, but it was a painstakingly slow process. So what to do with myself? That was something I had to ask myself every day. Having an injured hip did not slow down my hyperactive mind at all, and it was liking having a mind that was totally at odds with the body it found itself in. This can’t be right! There must be some mistake! I just need to figure out what little thing I need to do to turn this off and get back to my regularly scheduled life….right? So initially I did all the things I already knew how to do—I mediated, I did tai chi barefoot in the backyard, I tried to take naps to make up for the loss of sleep in the night from the pain. I was thankful for all the herbs I had that took the edge off of not just the pain but my mood and the occasional panic that could creep in (I’m pretty claustrophobic as well and not being able to walk more than a few steps at a time without a lot of trouble could be pretty triggering). I eliminated a few foods that I thought could potentially be driving up inflammation and making it worse. Those things were all helpful, but the situation remained challenging. None of those things could totally ‘fix’ the reality that I was injured and that it was going to take some time to recover. There was an acceptance piece I had to come to terms with. And an acknowledgement that I can’t control everything, even if I do all the ‘right’ things. We can’t just get rid of all the suffering there is in life, and it’s unreasonable to expect that we can. Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath… One day a few weeks into the whole thing I realized I was kind of sick of doing tai-chi in the backyard. I mean, it’s great, but I only know a handful of movements and then I would throw in the handful of Qi Gong I know as well and that’s only going to go so far. I remembered some of the restorative yoga a teacher had worked with me on a handful of years back and attempted some of that as well. There was this one exercise in particular that we called ‘The Balance Beam.’ You walk very slowly, putting one foot in front of the other as though you are walking on a beam. Once you have one foot in front of the other foot, you take a moment to balance your weight as evenly as possible between the two feet. Once you feel that equillibrium, then you bring the other foot in front and get your weight balanced again, and so on. Doing this barefoot in the backyard, where the terrain is slightly uneven with every step, actually takes a lot of concentration. Your feet are getting all sorts of sensory input from the grass and all those tiny little muscles in the feet are getting the chance to support you in a way that they never can when they are confined to our every day shoes (unless you have transitioned to wearing barefoot shoes, as I am doing). After a few minutes, I realized that I had entered a sort of flow state and that it was actually very pleasant to walk through my backyard at this pace (and was not painful). It was like the ‘stop and smell the roses pace’ that I can’t normally find the patience to do. Just walking slow makes me impatient, but this exercise was so engaging that it completely absorbed me and transported me to this zone I normally can’t access. It was a real breakthrough! I spent a few days weaving my way through the backyard at this pace, really taking in everything that was growing and changing and connecting with the yard in a new way. While all of that was going on, I was also attempting to go on my usual walks every morning. It usually takes a few minutes before the pain hits, so I would get my shoes on and head outside and just hope that this was the day it would finally be able to happen. But every day I wouldn’t even make it out of the driveway before the stabbing in my hip would start. And then I would turn around and go back inside. One day I had just turned back around to go back inside when it finally occurred to me to try walking at a slower pace. Seriously, it took me weeks to get there. When the injury first happened there was not a pace that would have been slow enough to be ok—I really did need to stay in bed initially. But after the worst of it was over, I was just so deeply ingrained to walk at a certain pace that it was all or nothing for me—either I can walk, or I can’t. End of story. So that balance beam exercise I had been doing in the backyard helped me build a bridge. I took some more steps toward the trail in the balance beam style, and then started adapting my pace to go much more slowly than usual. If any discomfort started up, I would slow down even further. And just like that I was able to walk again. And yes, my 82 year old neighbor who walks every day goes a lot faster than I was going then, but just being able to be out in the trees walking after all that time was amazing! The whole thing reminded me of something I see with my piano students all the time (I still teach a handful of lessons to kids after school!). Especially if they already know the song they are learning, they just want to play it at full speed and often seem incapable of slowing down, no matter how many times you tell them you can’t learn a piece at that speed. The speed at which you play it in the end is not the speed you start out with. You have to start slow. If a student is unable to learn that lesson, they are highly unlikely to get to an advanced level, and often won’t even get to an intermediate level. In a society that is always running at full speed, it is a true superpower to learn how to operate at different speeds, especially speeds that are slower. Those are the speeds where learning can happen, and healing, and growth. This was not the lesson I expected to learn over the summer, and I probably wouldn’t have opted for it if I had the chance, but I can say that learning to slow down was something I needed more work in. Maybe eventually I’ll get to a point where I don’t have to get injured before I am receptive to the art of slowing down, but for right now, I’ve got to accept where I’m at and allow the experience to change me moving forward. Solvitor ambulando, perhaps, but pace matters too. Going at the right pace can be everything. To get these posts delivered to your inbox for free, sign up for my substack at arikarapson.substack.com.  A look at the best foods to nourish and replenish you in times of high stress and/or burnout.
When you have been under a lot of stress and/or are recovering from burnout, your nutritional needs are going to be impacted because stress uses up a lot of resources in your body. Let’s take a look at what you can eat to help support your body through challenging times. Magnesium and Stress When we are under stress, our bodies burn through minerals at a faster rate than usual. That, in turn, can lead to more stress. How so? Well, consider the role of magnesium in the nervous system. It sits on certain receptors in the synapses (the gaps between neurons) in the nerves and decides which messages to pass on and which can be ignored. But if your magnesium is low, it will just pass along everything. That’s the moment when every little thing imaginable just seems to set you on edge and make you twitchy. I think we’ve all been there! Magnesium can help. Our modern diets are deficient in magnesium to begin with, because modern agricultural practices don’t replenish the soil with magnesium. This leads to more and more depletion over time. So supplementing magnesium is generally a good idea for everyone, although you can only absorb a little bit at a time. Adding some Mega-Mag drops to your water or mixing in some Natural Vitality Calm throughout the day is one way to boost these levels. But adding more mineral rich foods to your diet is a great idea as well—bone broth and seaweeds are great places to start, as well as working with mineral rich herbs like nettles (also a great spinach alternative!) and horsetail. Wild greens like dandelion leaves and anything else you can scrounge up in a yard untreated with pesticides will be full of minerals. And if you can stomach it, organ meats are powerhouses of both minerals and vitamins that are hard to get elsewhere (and are much more affordable than supplements). And finally, if you are fortunate enough to be able to grow some of your own food, adding rocks around your garden area will allow your plants to absorb more minerals. Cortisol and Inflammation When excess inflammation is in the body, more cortisol is going to be produced, and if you are already stressed out or in burnout, more cortisol is not what you need. So rather than just thinking about how much fat and how much protein you should be getting and that sort of thing, it’s better to think about what kind of fat and what kind of protein are going to lower inflammation so that cortisol can be lowered as well. The same goes for sweet things—refined sugar is for sure inflammatory, but honey is anti-inflammatory. So you don’t have to cut all sweet things out of your life, but switching to things like honey or maple syrup when possible will go a long way. Healthy Fats and Proteins When it comes to fats, we are looking for ones that are higher in omega 3s and lower in omega 6s to lower excess inflammation. For oils, coconut, olive and avocado oils and ghee are excellent choices. Industrial seed oils (and basically anything you are likely to find when you eat out) are going to be inflammatory. Now here’s the interesting thing about meat—whether the meat is inflammatory or anti-inflammatory depends on how the animal lived. You may have heard that tuna and salmon are great sources of omega 3s, but that is only true of wild salmon and tuna. If it is factory farmed fish, the diet and the life of that fish is going to be very different (and pretty depressing), and now the fish is producing omega 6s instead of omega 3s. The same goes for chicken, beef, etc. If the animal was able to live in a pretty natural environment without unnatural stressors and eat food that is ideal for them (think pasture raised, grass fed cows), they are going to be healthy sources of protein and fat. A lot of those studies that seem to show that meat is inflammatory are flawed in the sense that they don’t distinguish between Oscar Meyer bologna and your neighbors beef that you got at the farmer’s market. They are not the same! Protein plays another key role here in terms of giving you what you need to stay sharp and focused during the day (harder in times of stress) and in keeping you full longer. Grazing between meals leads to extra inflammation (especially if you’re grazing on processed foods and/or refined carbs), but getting 20 grams protein at each meal will keep you full so you are less likely to snack between meals. Getting plenty of good fats is also really important to help nourish your nerves from the effects of stress. You hear people say things like “my nerves are frazzled,” or “I’m so burned out,” and there is some truth to that! Just as oils can help nourish and hydrate sunburned and dried out skin, so can good fats nourish and replenish your nervous system when it gets impacted by ongoing stressors. Stress and Appetite Now let’s talk about how stress affects our appetite. If you are someone who finds it hard to eat when you get stressed out, either because you lose your appetite, get nauseous or feel like your stomach is tied into knots, there are some things that will help you out. Eating something bitter 10-20 minutes before a meal will help stimulate the appetite (and is also great for your liver!). Ginger will help with nausea, and and carminative herbs like fennel and chamomile (especially if steeped strongly for 30 minutes or more), will help relieve stomach cramps. Try to make it easy on yourself by having ‘easy’ foods around that you just can just grab when it feels really hard to get something down. Bone broth with some added oil is one example. A handful of almonds, an apple (with almond butter!) or some hemp seeds you sprinkle on top of whatever for some extra protein are other good options (both almonds and hemp seeds have 10 grams of protein per serving). You may find it helpful to set alarms for yourself to remind you to eat. If, on the other hand, stress leads you to craving all the “bad stuff,” don’t despair! Deprivation is not the answer. Consider that for one thing, cravings may be your body’s way of communicating with you what it needs. When you crave salt, for example, your body is probably low on minerals. So load up on something full of minerals first, and then if you still want some chips, so be it. If you are craving sugar, on the other hand, your body is seeking nourishment. Consider that in the wild, poisonous foods are never sweet. Sweet foods are always safe and nourishing. In the modern world though, it’s the other way around. But our bodies are still so deeply hardwired for the natural world that this gets mixed up. It does not mean that you are bad for craving something sweet—it’s hardwired into our biology! So the next time you find yourself reaching for something sugary, start with something deeply nourishing like bone broth with added oils (and maybe a bit of honey), and then you are likely to have less refined sugar afterwards. And if you are reaching for chocolate, perhaps you need both nourishment and minerals (chocolate is super high in magnesium). You can also focus on harm reduction. While sugar is inflammatory, honey, molasses and maple syrup are anti-inflammatory and have other nourishing properties (like minerals!) that sugar does not. At the end of this post, I’ve included my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe that uses a small amount of maple syrup, almond flour, and no eggs. The cookies do not taste like maple syrup at all, and the texture is just amazing—the perfect combination of chewy and a little crispy on the outside. I keep these in the freezer and can pull one out whenever the urge fro something decadent strikes. But whatever you are craving, be sure to keep healthier alternatives stocked in your home so that you can make better choices when the cravings kick in. So to wrap things up, consider giving your body extra dietary support during challenging times, just like you might turn to chicken soup and citrus fruits when you have a cold. Stress depletes you in some key ways, and what you eat plays an important role in helping you recover. CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES (sugar free, gluten free and egg free) 2 cups blanched almond flour ½ teaspoon baking soda ¼ teaspoon sea salt ¼ cup melted coconut oil and ghee (the ghee really enhances the flavor—even 1 TBS will be noticeable) ¼ cup maple syrup (at room temperature) 1 TBS vanilla extract 1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar ½ cup mini chocolate chips INSTRUCTIONS Preheat the oven to 350ºF and line a large baking sheet with parchment paper. In a large bowl, stir together the almond flour, baking soda, and salt. Add in the melted coconut oil/ghee, maple syrup, vanilla, and vinegar, and mix again, until the dough looks uniform, with no clumps. Fold in the chocolate chips, then use a tablespoon or 1-ounce cookie scoop to scoop the dough onto the prepared pan. You will get roughly 16 small cookies from this batch. Use your hands to flatten the cookies then bake at 350ºF for app. 11 minutes, or until the edges look lightly golden. Almond flour cookies get softer if you store them at room temperature overnight, so I recommend serving these the day you make them, or keep them in an airtight container in the fridge or freezer for the firmest texture. They are extra-crispy if you serve them straight from the freezer. REFERENCES: Much of the data referenced in this post was sourced from the Fundamentals of Holistic Nutrition and Neurological & Emotional Health courses from CommonWealth Holistic Herbalism.  Learning to unmask can be a bit tricky. Here are some thoughts on how to do it authentically while still building relationships with people you care about.
Imagine you just started a conversation with someone and they happened to ask you about something that you are deeply passionate about. You perk up and immediately start telling them all about it. A number of minutes go by, and you suddenly realize you have been dominating the conversation the entire time, and have not asked the other person a single question about themself. To be honest, you aren’t super interested in changing the subject and you have no idea what to ask them about anyhow. And also you’ve been trying not to mask lately, and you’re wondering if suddenly forcing yourself to ask the other person something about them would just be you attempting to mask as a neurotypical. Has something like this ever happened to you? I’ve had various clients talk with me about some version of this scenario, and it can be a lot to unpack when you have only recently discovered you’ve been masking in the first place but you’re also wanting to build more relationships. You start to question yourself a lot. I think that in order to really answer these kinds of questions, you have to know what and who you really care about. Let me explain. To me, who I am having that conversation with makes all the difference. Is it someone I know and love? Is it someone I am feeling out the potential to build a relationship with (that could include someone you just met)? If so, there are some good reasons to make an effort to balance out the conversation a bit. Sure, it may feel unnatural at first, but I see that as more of the difficulty of switching gears and maybe not having a lot of social fluidity. If I really ask myself about my core values and whether this person matters to me (or the potential of building a new relationship does), and the answer is yes, then it is not masking to make an effort to ask them something about themself. The reason it feels hard isn't becasue I really don’t care about them (I do care about them!)—it feels hard because it’s hard for me to switch gears. Luckily though, if you get in the practice of just having a few phrases on hand like “So what have you been up to lately?” it does get easier over time, and it’s better for the relationship if it feels reciprocal for both parties. So when is it masking? Again, to me it comes down to whether the relationship is reciprocal, both in terms of both people caring about each other and acting on it in various ways. Let’s say you have a ‘friend’ you’ve known since high school and they always invite you to their parties. But it doesn’t really feel like this person really gets you or knows you or cares about you in any deep way, and you get the feeling like you are just performing some empty role that doesn’t actually connect to any shared values. Or, when it just feels like a one-way street—when you are the person pouring everything into another relationship/work environment/etc. and you are not getting anything back in return. The whole thing is draining, and you never get recharged in any way from it. That can be a little tricky, because events/work/conversations can be exhausting even when they are meaningful. So it’s good to recognize you are exhausted (and take whatever steps you need to take in the aftermath to replenish), but to also take a wider view when you consider the situation that exhausted you. Ask yourself if in the bigger picture, that situation aligned with your core values and the relationships that you value? The other time this can be really tricky is if you are interacting with someone new. If you’re not looking to form new relationships, it may be worth asking yourself why you are really feeling the need to attend that party/event/etc. or even have that conversation. But if you are looking to do more socially, that will require having some initial conversations with folks to feel out if there are shared interests/values/etc. So yes, at times that will mean gearing yourself up to ask some questions to someone you just met, only to discover that you have no interest whatsoever in getting to know that person better. It’s frustrating when it happens, especially if doing so totally exhausts you. But that doesn’t mean you wasted your time or were masking if you did it because building new relationships is something you really care about. The takeaway here is that when you want to start unmasking, you need to be really clear about your core values—who and what really matters to you in your life. All humans need some kind of social interface to interact with each other, and the goal is to get these interactions grounded in authenticity. Separating your core values from other people’s expectations of you is important work, and it is what’s going to make it possible for you to successfully ditch the unhelpful aspects of masking and be your most authentic self.  Having a hyperactive mind can get exhausting if you are have trouble shifting into Rest-and-Repair mode, but engaging your full body and senses in more natural environments can have a profound impact on your wellbeing.
I have a hyperactive mind and the motor is always running. I don’t think of myself as having ADHD because I don’t have most of the inattentive traits, but I’ll admit I could very well be in denial because you can absolutely have mostly hyperactive traits without having a lot of inattentive traits—you just don’t hear about it as much. But rather than go down that rabbit hole, let me get to the point: running constantly at hyper speed is very hard on the system. Imagine a fire engine that is always running around, whether or not there is a fire. It will literally run out of fuel and then not be able to get to any actual fires. That’s why the fire fighters stay put at the fire house and the fire fighters get to hang out until they are needed—they need to have all their resources ready to go when the occasion calls! But for a lot of neurodivergent folks, switching gears is also really hard and we can easily get stuck in racing mode. After a while, living at hyper speed just feels like the only speed we can operate in. We know it would be better to slow down some of the time, and rest, and do all of those things we keep hearing are good for us, but we have no idea how to do it. Can you relate? This is something I’ve been working on for over a decade now, and while I’ve made some progress, it’s still really hard. Having to listen to someone ramble about nothing for minutes on end is almost unbearable, and I have no patience whatsoever for trying to assemble something from Ikea if the instructions are poor. I can’t stand it! Anyone else out there start educational videos at a faster speed, waiting for the speaker to finally ‘get to the point’? Yes, I do that too… I learned early on that sitting meditations don’t work great for me. I have adapted some meditations in motion that I really like, and they also come in handy when there is wildfire smoke or a snowstorm and I can’t go walking in the woods as I usually do. I’ve found that for things like tai-chi or qi-gong, it’s a really good idea for me to follow along with a video rather than do it on my own, because that way I will stay in the slower speed that was intended. Some guided meditations can be helpful in a similar manner—if I meditate on my own, as soon as I slow down and get quiet, it seems to turn on the creativity button inside me and all these ideas start occurring to me. But I am more likely to stay focused if someone else’s voice is leading me through the meditation. Having something visual to focus on (like a candle flame) can also help. Of course, there are times I love being able to tap into that creativity and generate so many new ideas! But I am always trying to figure out how to turn it off when I need to rest. Even when I have a migraine, I have a hard time shutting off /slowing down my thoughts, and I think there is a fair possibility that this is a factor in why I get so many migraines. The practice I am getting the most from though is what I consider to be a form of rewilding—the restoring of natural processes by actively using more of my senses in a way that my body evolved to do. Humans did not evolve to sit in front of screens for hours on end, or to be sitting for long periods of time doing anything, in fact. We consider it pathological if someone ‘can’t sit still,’ but isn’t it the other way around? What animal in their natural habitat does that? Ok, maybe sloths. But you get my point. I’ve always loved going for walks in the woods, but I spent years doing so without fully engaging in the environment. I would speed walk and usually spend the whole time thinking about whatever was going on in my life at that time and nothing else. Sometimes that led to problem solving, and sometimes it just led to increased cortisol in my system and circling thoughts that just spun around endlessly in my head. But in recent years I have started to engage more and more with the forest life around me. This really kicked off when I became interested in wildcrafting (gathering plant medicine in the woods), although the more I learn about this the less I am actually taking anything from the wild—it’s much more sustainable to grow it yourself unless it is an invasive species. But you do not have to actually harvest anything to get your senses fully engaged in the woods. Becoming familiar with what is growing around you (plant apps are great—I use PictureThis), knowing what is native vs invasive for example, is one way to start. For me, what really sparked my interest in learning these plants was knowing their medicinal uses and how traditional peoples worked with them. Paying attention to nuanced differences between plants requires you to slow down. No matter where you live, there are bound to be dandelions, but there are all sorts of dandelion lookalikes that most people cannot differentiate. And why would you want to? Well, if you are going to eat it you want to make sure it isn’t poisonous, so that can be motivation for sure (we don’t have to worry about over harvesting dandelions, so pick away!). Getting into the mode where you can spot it, examine it and tell the difference takes some practice, and I honestly would not have had the patience to do it if it meant lugging around old a big old book and hoping it was clear enough to tell me what was what. Again, plant apps have been a total game changer for me. I walk in the same woods behind my house almost every day of the year, and going at a slower pace is what keeps it interesting—that is when you notice how much it changes through the seasons. Those mushrooms! How many varieties? How does it compare to last year? Knowing when to harvest nettle and horsetail—there are narrow windows for some of these, and even if I am not harvesting them, I enjoy getting to know their cycles. I am getting to know them. Pine sap is another good one. You can walk past the same trees for years and years and never notice the sap. Then you read about its antiseptic properties and how it works the same way in trees—they produce the sap when they get wounded. That’s why you don’t ever want to take any unless there is so much that the excess is dripping onto the ground. The tree needs it to heal. We have a lot in common, trees and humans. Suddenly you are walking through the woods just looking for evidence of sap, and noting how many trees have ‘wounds’ and how rarely it occurs that there is a surplus of it making a puddle on the ground. So instead of taking any, maybe you just go over and put your nose right up to it and take a big breath in. Pine is what is is called an exhilarant, meaning that it lightens and lifts the mood. You can enjoy the aromatherapy benefits without taking anything from the tree. Why does this work for me? You could argue it is my special interest, and you would not be wrong. But I am convinced there is more to it than that. Slowing down in the natural world actually opens you up to more—you experience much, much more, and it is anything but boring. I think a lot of our problems actually come from being bored out of our minds and from having the wrong sensory environments. Being bored and uncomfortable is a bad combination. We spend a lot of time discussing animal welfare and whether the chickens are free range or the cows were pasture raised. But what about the human animal? Sitting in front of a screen all day is not a free range environment. Of course we are stressed! But really, I think the environment is a much bigger problem than how we are wired. My neurodivergence is not a problem when I engaging with my mind and body in a way that it evolved to do. And to make an important distinction here—nature is not actually ‘peaceful.’ It is vibrant and rich and chaotic. We describe it as calming because it brings us back to using our bodies as they were intended to be used—developing and utilizing all of the senses fully (which is something our survival used to depend on). Using our bodies as nature intended reduces the stress that comes from living unnaturally, and the chronic stress is really the problem we are trying to address (not being uniquely wired). For this reason, I am a strong believer in forest bathing (or whatever you want to call it). The woods aren’t for everyone—maybe water is more your thing. That’s fine—go take a walk on the beach or do some kayaking. Or grow some marigolds in a bucket on your back porch—whatever is accessible to you. The idea is that getting back to using our bodies in a more natural way on a regular basis is one of the best things we can do to get our nervous systems out of a rigid, hyperactive treadmill nightmare. Opening our senses to the complex beauty of the natural world gives the mind and body some much needed freedom and space, and I believe it is time well spent. Would you like these posts delivered directly to your inbox each week? Subscribe for free on Substack: arikarapson.substack.com  I know, I know, we’re all sick of COVID-19. But it’s still here, and getting reinfected is problematic. Here’s why I think it’s especially important for those of us who are neurodivergent.
Well, I’m pretty sure we are all fed up with COVID these days and I won’t be surprised if this post ends up being the least popular one I write all year. But I also think it could be my most important post, so I’m choosing to write it anyway. That’s my stubborn autistic fierceness coming through—speaking up about something unpopular because it matches my values. So I’m not going to apologize for that. But that doesn’t mean I’m trying to bum everyone out, either. The opposite, in fact. Think for a minute about wearing your seat belt. Cars are dangerous. There are real risks. But most of us don’t panic every time we get in a car, and most of us buckle up because it is a reasonable precaution (and we don't want to get fined) and we know seatbelts save lives. I’m hoping we can get to a point where we treat COVID precautions in a similar way—they are just an automatic response that does not have to be supercharged with stress. So let’s take a minute to look at the what the latest science is telling us about COVID risks and discuss some reasonable precautions. Despite the fact that we are hearing very little about COVID these days, there is a ton of research on it. At the moment of this writing, entering ‘COVID-19’ as a search term on Google scholar results in 4,940,000 hits. That’s a lot. It’s more than almost anyone has the time or bandwidth to read, unless you happen to be neurodivergent and it’s your special interest (I do know a clinical herbalist who spends 2 hours every day reading through it all. For real). So what is all this research telling us? Here are some of the main points: 1.) COVID hits you where you are weak, which is why we are seeing so many people who were already struggling with their health hit the hardest. I think this is really important for neurodivergent people to consider. So many of us are already struggling with migraines, gut issues, POTS, EDS, fatigue, chronic pain, etc. and we often struggle to ‘keep up’ as it is. If your joints are already giving you a lot of grief, you really don’t need COVID coming along and ratcheting it up another notch. Often people with autoimmune diseases or obesity are considered the most vulnerable, but neurodivergence is a risk factor as well. 2.) In a way, everyone has long covid. That’s because COVID-19 sticks around in your body a lot longer than the acute infection does, and leaves all sorts of messes anywhere in the body (via the ACE2 receptors) that need to be cleaned up. When scientists looked at the brains of healthy individuals a year after they had COVID, the brains were still different (or shall we say damaged?) But in someone who is pretty healthy, they may not notice that things aren’t quite the same. Think about a workplace where a boss suddenly gives everyone a little more work to do. If they are not overworked, they may be able to handle a little extra work without major issues. But if they are already overworked and close to a tipping point, that little bit of extra work may push them over the edge. So again, those of us who were already working extra hard to ‘keep up’ may be the most likely to get hit hard by COVID. 3.) COVID risks are cumulative. A Scientific American article from last month stated that “each infection is associated with a substantially increased risk of health issues like cognitive dysfunction, autoimmune disease and cardiovascular problems, even for mild infections.” I’m still processing that one. Just take a minute to let it sink in: The risks are cumulative. Each new infection greatly increases your risk of serious ongoing health issues, even if you didn’t get very sick. That’s sobering, to say the least. In light of all of these things, it is a critical time to be focused on your self-care. This could include things you can do to prevent reinfection, such as:
Here’s another thought: If you have a one-on-one appointment where you will be in close proximity with someone (like a hairstylist or a chiropractor or a massage) schedule it first thing in the morning when there are less particles in the air from the practitioner (and wear a mask). Self-Care should also include things you do to recover from an infection to minimize the risks of developing long-COVID (or to recover from it if you already have it), such as:
COVID Recovery Tea- This is a tea that would be great to take for at least the first 6 weeks after COVID, as well as other herbs that address any lingering symptoms. Taking it as easy as possible and drinking a quart of this daily can be a great way to support your body in an effort to prevent having COVID interrupt your daily life in the months to follow. Use 2 teaspoons of each herb, boil a quart of water, cover and let it sit overnight. Drink throughout the following day.
Astragalus and codonopsis are two other herbs you could look into as well, especially if you are prone to getting sick easily or already have chronic health issues. *** I realize as I write this that most of us are still burned out from the initial hyper-vigilant COVID roller coaster, so I'm going to keep advocating that we adapt a response similar to wearing a seat belt. Masking is no big deal in China, so it’s not inevitable that masking has to mean something TERRIBLE. For any of you living in a place where wearing a mask is something you are villainized for, I am truly sorry. Masking is just one piece of reasonable measures of prevention though, so see which pieces work with your life and you will already be more protected than you were before. These are just some initial starting points. If there is one big takeaway here, it’s to take it as easy is possible in these times. I know for a lot of folks, even thinking about COVID risks feels stressful and even overwhelming, but does ignoring it actually make you feel better? And doesn’t a lot of that stress come from feeling powerless? For me, knowing some tangible things I can do that will actually give me greater protection and help me recover faster eases some of my stress, and that’s why I decided to write this. I wish you all a happy, healthy and low-key summer! Take care out there, and I’ll see you next time… Further Reading What Doctors Wish Patients Knew About COVID-19 Reinfection (AMA) Is it Dangerous to Keep Getting COVID-19 (TIME) Acute and postacute sequelae associated with SARS-CoV-2 reinfection (Nature) Would you like these posts delivered directly to your inbox each week? Subscribe for free on Substack: arikarapson.substack.com   Neurodivergent people often do not feel good in their bodies, and it can be easy to believe that this is inevitable. But is it? Here are some practices to help you feel better more often.
When was the last time you felt good in your body? Can you remember? Has it been a while? Being in pain tends to be much more memorable, and even if you don’t live with chronic pain, you may be living with chronic sensory discomfort, anxiety or a heightened sense of threat. But thanks to neuroplasticity, the more often the brain gets these unpleasant sensations, the stronger those pathways get reinforced in the body. This is why it is so important to actively counter those painful/uncomfortable signals—you don’t want them taking up any more real estate in your body than they already do! One way to do this is through meditation. This is a very specific kind of meditation where you try to remember a time that you felt really good in your body. You bring that memory to mind, and then you try to really feel that memory in your body. What were the smells? What did it look like? What were the textures? For me, I love to recall being in the Burren in Ireland. I have Irish roots, and there is no other place on earth I feel quite so at home. It is a strikingly unique place—unusual formations of rocks as far as the eye can see, and a stunning array of wild flowers bursting out of those rocks, as diverse and unexpected as you can possibly imagine. It is a wide, open place, a wild place, but also a subtle place. Tiny little details you have to be looking for or you would miss entirely. It anchors you deeply to a forgotten past, a past that predates humanity. It is vast. It is profound. My two most memorable trips to the Burren were the ones when I went there as soon as got off the airplane. Airplanes are hard for me. I am a bit claustrophobic and I have chemical and sound sensitivities and I can’t sit still or sleep on a plane. On one of those trips, we had been preparing for takeoff from JFK and something prevented us from leaving the ground for what felt like an eternity. The engines were going full force, and the smell of exhaust filled the plane and gave me a vicious migraine. I started to have a panic attack because I could not get out and it seemed insane that we were all having to breathe that in for so long. But of course, the plane did finally take off, and it did eventually land in Shannon, Ireland. From there, it’s just over half an hour to the Burren. And suddenly I was free! Just get out of the car…step into the Burren…and get lost there for as long as you please. This is not just your everyday kind of free, but the deep freedom of the soul when it suddenly finds itself in the best place on earth. What a contrast. There is a meditation practice called Tonglen that reminds me of this Burren experience. There are different ways of doing Tonglen, but perhaps the most common is to think of the pain of others as you inhale and send out compassion/lovingkindness in your exhale. Your breathing becomes a type of filter that transforms the suffering into something beautiful. As someone who has trouble shifting gears, I find Tonglen a challenging practice and can often not do more than 3 complete breaths. I just can’t get my brain to do that transformative work so quickly. But I do think that’s all the more reason to practice it—that tendency to ‘get stuck’ in a certain head space is part of what can prolong pain and discomfort in my life. So sometimes I will imagine the horrible feeling of being stuck on the airplane on my inhale, and then being in the Burren on my exhale. That meditation is about practicing shifting gears. But if I just want to meditate on feeling good in my body, I may focus solely on conjuring up the memory of what it felt like to be in the Burren. I may imagine that the forcefield of energy around me is made up of the Burren, so that I am in fact bringing the Burren with me everywhere I go. It is my strength, my power, my hidden magic. If these kinds of meditations are new to you, no worries! It isn’t something you have to do for a long time. Even if you can just take 5 minutes, it can be enough. What is most important is that you are really able to conjure up what it felt like in your body when you felt really good. You find that moment, and you savor it. Over time, it gets easier to return to that place, for it to really feel like you rather than an isolated memory. So find your moment, relive it, and embrace it as often as possible. Neuroplasticity may be responsible for reinforcing our pain and discomfort over time, but it’s a two way street. Remember how it feels to feel good, and the desirable pathways will get reinforced instead. Would you like these posts delivered directly to your inbox each week? Subscribe for free on Substack: arikarapson.substack.com  Neurodivergent people often find themselves stuck in a state of chronic stress. Here are some thoughts on why this happens and what you can do to get unstuck.
If you are neurodivergent, you may feel like you are always stuck in a heightened state of threat. You may even think this is part of your wiring and that there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m not really crazy about using metaphors comparing humans to machines, but since talking about our ‘wiring’ seems to click for so many people, I’m going to go with it for now. But rather than thinking of it as your wiring, I prefer to think of it as your ‘default settings.’ Settings is the key word here. As anyone with a phone or a laptop can tell you, settings can always be tweaked. But since humans are much more complex than machines, it can be harder to figure out how to adjust your internal settings. Especially if you have alexithymia (which co-occurs frequently with neurodivergence), meaning that interpreting the signals coming from within you is an ongoing challenge. Having a clearer understanding of what is really going on inside your body can help demystify some of this, so let’s see if we can sort some of it out. Try visualizing for a moment a sound mixing board, such as those used by musicians when recording (see image above). These boards are filled with sliders, so you can adjust the mix of the overall sound in a variety of ways. Boost the bass a bit, bring down those high frequencies a tad, enhance those background vocals so they pop, etc. Your body’s internal settings have some similarities. You will hear people talking about things like ‘hormonal balance,’ for instance, and may have pictured balanced hormones as nice, neat, steady lines. But your hormones actually rely on a constant state of fluctuation to work properly! A snapshot of what your hormones are doing at any given moment would look more like a sound mixing board with the sliders all in different places. Consider the hormone insulin, for example. Every time you eat something, insulin levels are going to rise. Ok, simple enough. But did you know that when insulin is being released, growth hormone cannot be released? Insulin and growth hormone take turns (or they are supposed to, anyhow). Growth hormone is what is responsible for a lot of repair work that happens in the body. It goes to places where there is inflammation and starts fixing the problem. This is why constant grazing throughout the day can lead to excess inflammation—if your insulin is always being released, repair work is being suppressed in the body. Good to know! Now let’s look for a moment at stress hormones. Like insulin, stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline are considered especially critical for our survival. They get released when the body thinks we are under threat. If we have the adrenaline to run at top speed and escape from a predator, it can save our life. Unfortunately in the modern world, our threat response often gets triggered by things that are not actually life threatening, and this creates some problems. Because our bodies are always going to prioritize survival, it will release high amounts of those hormones at the expense of other hormones that are seen as less critical. Reproductive hormones, for example, are not ‘critical.’ If reproduction can’t happen this month, it can always happen next month. We have decades to procreate, and maybe only minutes to escape from this tiger… So when our stress hormones are constantly getting released, it uses up the raw materials that make the other hormones that we need for the day-to-day maintenance of our bodies. Rest and repair? That can wait. So can digestion. And so on… You don’t really need a super complex understanding of all the hormones in your body to get the idea here. To me, just the concept of the slider adjusting levels has been helpful. When I notice that my stress response has been activated, I ask myself “Am I really in danger right now?” And fortunately, the answer is usually no. I then visualize my internal sound board of hormones and imagine the stress slider being cranked up all the way to the top. I then visualize gently bringing the level down. As I imagine that slider going down, I then imagine my rest-and-repair slider going up. I think part of why this visualization has helped me so much is that I used to feel like things were completely on or completely off. More like a light switch than a slider. If you have alexithymia, it can feel like all or nothing, because things don't register until they are REALLY cranked up or bottomed out. For anyone who feels fine one minute, and really angry or overwhelmed the next, the same principle is often at work here. The steps in between are just not registering. It can be really hard to calm down the stress response if we think it is all or nothing. But if we train ourselves to start thinking of small steps it becomes a little easier. What would help me get one notch calmer right now? That’s going to be something simpler to solve than trying to go from being completely activated to completely calm in one fell swoop. Starting to notice those little notches can also help you recognize when things are starting to escalate. And wow…it is so much easier to de-escalate before you are fully activated than to try to calm down once you’re in full-on meltdown mode. You can also think of those little incremental notches on a metronome (yes, I am full of music metaphors today as I do have a background in music). When you just slow down or speed up one notch, you almost don’t even notice it, but over time those little notches add up and make a huge difference! To summarize, there are two things you can do to get started right now in adjusting your ‘default settings.’ The first is to recognize when you are having a stress response and to visualize your stress slider going down and your rest-and-repair slider going up. Just take a minute to imagine it, and remind yourself that if your stress levels are cranked up, other important things that need to happen in your body are going to be put on hold. Do you want to digest your lunch? Ok then, your stress slider needs to come down. The second thing you can try when you feel your stress response being activated is to ask yourself “What would help me get one notch calmer right now?” It might be putting on some relaxing music, getting a few minutes of fresh air outside, taking a walk, or taking some deep breaths. If you are successful and time allows, you could go through multiple rounds of this until you really are feeling pretty calm. Bonus points if you are able to identify the moment your stress response gets activated and can intervene before you are completely amped up! It’s ok if at first you are only able to identify that moment in hind site. You think back on what happened and recognize That Moment when things started to escalate. Reflecting on past episodes really will help you get better at intervening earlier on in the future. In my next post I will discuss another technique for shifting gears that is all about cultivating the ability to feel good in your body. Feeling good in the body! Yes! I think we could all use more of that…. Would you like these posts delivered directly to your inbox each week? Subscribe for free on Substack: arikarapson.substack.com |